Senior Year Fall: some of the more interesting ones: i was pretty prolific during this era (though many are more than a little redundant). A guy who doesn't really like to "feel" going through the weirdest thing he ever went through, love?
* Post 833: Can Anyone Save My Heart Tonight - newer style, eventually rhyme scheme kind of goes away.
* Post 840: What is Love? - really where i was, confused as hell
* Post 842: Love Hit Me - devolving into weird semi clichés and weird metaphors.
*Post 809: As Hot As You - bad formatting, some of my phrasing is... weird.
* Post 805: Do You Justice
* Post 748: Close to Love- yes, i would physically shake waiting for an email from her. Shows some of the weird conflicting feelings.
* Post 684: I Can't Believe (you're Here With Me) - i was never much good at subtext, a little too on the nose. She knew where i stood early on, i never knew where she actually stood and thought she was always testing me.
* Post 124: In Too Deep - understatement of that year.
* Post 45: Whipped From the Start - sadly very true.
Some General Senior Year Backstory:
So, here it is 20 something years to the day (July 15th) when i got the fricking email "BU: I think you know what this means". The year started off decently - girl i had a crush on seemed sweet, cute, nerdy, a little twisted and generally awesome. Started exclusively dating in January (MLK Day?). Ever have the night where you talk all night? Ever touch someone's hand and feel a surge of electrical energy? That felt awesome in the beginning.
i wrote these in a sprial notebook in pen/pencil. These "songs" portray someone who was confused - love songs, movies, etc said "love" is so much different than the confusing real life. i was always unsure if she really "loved" me (or had other motives). There was some doubt in my mind about her sexuality? I thought i was Tears for Fears love (head over heels), i felt like she was third of fourth degree at best.
To be fair, i was confused. Early on, i think i really loved her. Later on, it seemed to be more a mix of: love, lust, being addicted to her, and wanting to keep one of the best friends i ever had in my life. She really wasn't the person i thought she was (mostly, was i guess). Yes, i would have married her without hesitation (even before our first date).
She was probably right to end it - i couldn't be what she wanted. If she's out there in the ether and actually still has the "song" i wrote her in the email: "If Losing Me Will Make You Happy" - i don't actually have that one. When i don't wish she is burning in hell from time to time - i hope she found whatever the hell happiness is. It just sucks it couldn't have been with me.
These "songs" here are uneven (and she saw many of these), showing a truly confused - yet hopeful and scared person. The writing style changed over the first batch. She said they were better "poetry" without the chorus sections.
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